The wedding day

Alright Erick.. we have a wedding date.. Jan 24.. O_O A saturday.. Friday night (if you're available) all the guys are staying out at my aunts while the girls are going to Erica's... and you get to be a groomsman.. v_v Mommy says you have to wear a black/dark blue suit.. I'm wearing my old prom dress *pukes*... none of it will match... I don't know why she wants me to be in the wedding... but I'ma put on a fake smile and let her ruin her own life... none of my business... I keep telling myself to believe it... v_v

I'm done.. I'm tired

Ok Christmas was today... It was alright.. I got a new MP3 player... and some jammies and new blankets and cool swords.. I found out that Jasmine and Jessie were definately getting married just not over break ... It's my belief that they shouldn't be getting married and they sure as hell shouldn't have a kid.. yea I said it.. finally.. Jasmine Leigh is fucking pregnant... And it makes me angry.. and upset... and... I just want to get as far away from here as I possibly can.. I just wanna move to Montana and never come back.. Hide on a mountain and stay there forever.. I hate her.. yea I said it.. I hate her... and I hate that she's getting married and hate that she's having a kid... and mostly.. I hate how she thinks this can give her an excuse to DO WHATEVER THE FUCK SHE WANTS, GO OFF ON WHOEVER THE HELL SHE WANTS, AND BEAT PEOPLE... I fucking hate her.. Mom freaks.."Summer you can't move out! I need you, Summer... Summer, Jasmine needs you.. blah blah blah".. She doens't understand I CAN'T FUCKING TAKE THIS.. I won't.. I refuse to be trapped in this cornfield infested shit hole of a state.. give me wide open spaces, or trees... Somewhere where I can be isolated... away from all this bullshit.. I just.. I can't take it anymore.. Hell I'm so pissed I'm considering moving out to my grandma's during break and like... I don't know.. I'm even considering transferring schools.. I mean.. I fucking hate her.. I love Tech, I love you Erick.. but dammit I really can't take this.. I'm so sick and tired of this damn family DEPENDING ON ME TO MAKE EVERYTHING BETTER.. well suprise.. I fucking can't this time.. I'm not even gonna try anymore.. I'm tired of being hurt.. being fucking mentally abused... "oh lets fuck with Summer's emotions today hehe..." bitches.. I mean I love my mom don't get me wrong.. I don't know what I'd do without her sometimes.. but I'm getting ready to find out because I just can't take it anymore... I'm done... I'm just done.. I'm gonna finish out school.. then I'm getting the hell out.. I don't even care at this point if I go to college.. the need to get away from here as fast as possible is taking over my entire system.. I'm sorry Erick.. but I'm tired of not being good enough or shit.. I'm just.. tired of all this stupid bullshit Jasmine Leigh decides we must go through to make us do her every whim.. I'M FUCKING DONE... (Sorry about all the cursing whoever reads this, but I am really pissed off...)

Grrrr

Hehe.. So I've been kind of blah the past couple of days. Just not in a good mood. Heather, her kid, and James might be moving in with us. MY ROOM.. which.. sucks.. but I feel so sorry for her... I really don't want them sleeping in my bed but I don't have a choice... they just.. grrr me.. I guess.. I mean they just got married.. I don't want them in my bed... I told her it'd be alright though.. because I don't wanna be a bad friend.. I just don't wanna share my room with them. It's not fair.. I know I sound so selfish.. but.. it's like mom just keeps thinking up stuff that makes me want to move out more and she doesn't even realize she's pushing me away.. how am I supposed to take "Hey Summer, a newly wed couple and their couple needs a place, you know.. your friend Heather.. what do you say you share a room with her?" How can I say no to that and still be a good friend?! I just... can't win no matter what way I go, eh?

The LIttle Black Rose

Once she was wilted
She had no sun or water
Then you picked her up
Slowly she became alive
She could feel her petals bloom
Her leaves uncurled
All because of the darkness you blew into her
The dark magic that overcame her and gave her new life

She vowed then that she wouldn’t let herself wilt again
She would always be beautiful and dark for you
Her lover, caregiver, the only sun she’d ever need
She gave you her love

You watched her everyday
Watered her, set her in the sun
Even held her as she shed tears of joy
For she knew she had been saved

Then there came a day when she couldn’t express how she felt
It was so hard to put into words and simple actions weren’t enough
So she decided to shine her best one day, and wrap her caregiver in the light of love
When he came to her that day, she lay her hand on his cheek and began to whisper
“You whom I love more than life itself,
You whom have saved me from destruction,
You whom have given me so much yet asked for so little.
How to tell you what you mean to me, I don’t know.
So all I can give you, is my love, my life, and pray it enough.”

Kissing her caregivers lips,
She took his hand and placed it over her heart
“This shall remain true only to you,
This shall beat only for you,
From this day forward,
I pledge myself fully, heart, body, mind, and soul yours.
Never shall you want for I shall give you everything,
Never shall your desires go unanswered for I am at your beck and call,
Never shall you be alone for I shall be your constant companion,
Never shall you have to face the light of day, without my love by your side.”

As the rose stood trembling, she waited for his answer.

I wrote this and I'm not sure where to go with it.. So Erick.. any feedback? Love you and miss you.. oh.. and I'm not sure when her wedding is.. so yea.. I'll call you when I get the date and time and that kind of thing.

*Sighs*

So the last two days of school sucked... Wednesday I couldn't go because my bus never showed up at the stop.. and Thursday my mom ended up pulling me out early.. because I nearly beat Ms. Fucking Frank.. Damn bitch LOST my final... and blamed it on me. .then when she found it... IT WAS ALREADY GRADED... So I got a 23.5/51 on my final.. unless she regraded it.. bitch.. ><

I miss Erick SOOOOO much.. I feel bad because I was going to go to lunch on Thursday.. but instead I spent most of the day at home.. being pissed and crying.. no big suprise there... Oh well... I'll have to give him his christmas after break.. hehe... My mom got me an MP3 player for christmas... I was so happy... Heather got married.. I went to her wedding last night.. it was sweet... and the reception was fun... I'm feel like crap.. I think I'm coming down sick.. Oh yea.. Erick if you read this.. v_v You're going to be part of Jasmine's wedding... I'm a bridesmaid and you has to walk with me.. so you're like.. a "groomsman" or whatever.. if you can make it...

Ah... sweet NOT love <3

So... yea.. just another day.. Kinda wished it was Friday already. Thats the norm though.

So first period, I did my best to ignore the Frank monster. I think she assigned homework, but I wasn't really paying attention and she wasn't really there.. Erick you get that... I read.. all period because basically.. she doesn't teach, doesn't stay in the class or anything!

So seconde period poor Ms. David was sick... I felt so horrible. She sounded like she should have been in bed for the next week. She wanted me to make a bunch of copies but a bunch of teachers decided to copy today and we ran out of paper. So no copies for her hehe

Third period was more fun than usual... I don't know why.. We're reviewing for finals.. and I can't find my chinese book.. but it's so much fun anyways...

Fourth period was Erick and I's peer tutoring class... he wasn't there thanks to a show.. I was totally depressed without him. Ok.. maybe a little bit.. but so not the point...

Fifth period we went to the computer lab and did the easiest stuff I've ever heard of for English.. I mean.. it was like.. 6th grade work... I felt kinda insulted.

For lunch today I found a bunch of book in the library I've been DYING to read, so I'm going to. I hope they'll let me check a bunch out for Christmas Break.. because otherwise I'll be bored as hell...

Seventh period, our teacher wasn't there and the sub was so annoying. I played with my photo's mostly. I didn't want to change them too much because I love how they were... Erick I'll have to email them to you sometime or something.. I actually look half way decent in them, or I'll post on Facebook...

8th period we worked... Kind of as a class... hehe.. Since I didn't do anything yesterday along with a bunch of other class mates she's making us sit at separate tables. Which really sucks.. but now we just yell the answers accross the room.. she doesn't even try to stop..

After school I went to a doctors appointment with my little sister... she has some kind of rash on her neck.. hehe but I'm going to go to bed now.. hopefully sleep.. not always guaranteed..

FINALLY!!!

Ok, so I haven't been here in FOREVER because my internet browser was being a retard, but I'm on my aunts computer and decided to update. Not much has really happened other than my 15 year old sister getting knocked up... by the way Erick, CONGRATS!!! U of I OMG.. You'll be close enough to visit~ el-oh-el. Anyways... My family has pretty much been ok with the whole Jasmine being pregnant thing. My great grandma wants me to live out at her house and go to college so I'm "undisturbed"... whatever.. So I wrote this poem.. I'ma post it here..

There's something about today
I just can't describe
The smile is constantly in place
I can even feel it deep inside

Like all the world is gone
I've not a worry in the world
This day is a relief I was looking for
These urges I can't fight, to dance a twirl

It may seem almost unusual,possibly a little amusing
definately a pinch of weird
but today I stopped all my accusingI looked up, and saw the sun
whose brightness for once didn't blind me

I felt those rays, so war
The most amazing I've yet to see
The anger almost burned away by the light so bright
made this the most barable day and most wonderous night...

I don't know what inspired that but yea..
Erick, Friday I ended up walking home.. Because I felt really sick and was having "feminine" (SP?! XD) Problems..

Wooo Cooking

So I woke up at 6!! To help my mom clean and cook (because my dad never did completely fix the sink last night, lazy asshole) and finally we were able to eat, which rocked.. because I AM THE BOMB AT COOKING :D I had a lot of fun today hehe... Kinda reminded me of why holidays don't suck as much as I think they do.. thank goodness for the good times I guess.. we put up our tree today for christmas.. after mom blew almost 1000 on presents we'd better have put up that damn tree.. v_v hehe...

Shopping sucks!

So we went shopping on Black Friday... remind me never to do that again.. I mean I almost died... It was crazy... and I was used as a pack mule.. Thanks, Mom... I had to go get a new laptop charger which means I won't get my new MP3 player which sucks major ass... I've been waiting FOREVER for that thing and now thanks to my almost 90 dollar new charger cord I don't get it... but we got a lot of cool stuff.. I got a huge poster of EDWARD CULLEN.. oh hell he's hot... hehe.... but yea.. tomorrow is our family's Thanksgiving dinner... so Amber and some other peoples can come.. <3 but I guess I'll finish updating later because mother calls to perform some other kind of torture on me now

Happy Thanksgiving (aka family fight day)

So first of all Happy Thanksgiving everyone. My day sucked.. So we started out at 4AM and going to Meijer for their sale and I totally got my 4 gig flash drive that is going to be in my stocking (WOMAN I NEED IT NOW)... and we found some neat stuff for Jasmine, David, and Zona... We're doing it again tomorrow... YAY, ok, maybe not really but bleh...

Then I took a nap when we got home... when mom woke me up it was the dreaded time to go out to my grandma's for lunch... well it turned out horrible.. I mean my mom and aunt and grams were fighting and mom was crying and not eating until I forced her to... and then when we got home... we just like... blah-ed out or something crazy.. because suddenly no one was talking to each other and it was just.. like... oh-em-gee what the fuck is happening to my family?! Then mom went shopping AGAIN... we're getting up againg at 4 tomorrow morning... it's going to be a disaster...

I'm kinda hesitant... I kinda don't want this year to end... I'll miss everyone far too much... and it's just weird... it's like I'm finally getting my life together and suddenly my family is falling apart... It kinda makes me not want to be a part of it anymore... sad I know... It just hurts to get close to any of them anymore... So how was everyone elses Thanksgivings? Hope better than mine...

WOOP WOOP

Ok... so I got home today and there was this letter from the school saying my mom had to attend this little thingie or I couldn't walk when I graduated.. what the fuck?! Thats some bullshit... I mean... Crazy....

So 1st period is with Psychotic Bitch (AKA Ms. Frank) and it was as usual... crazy... walking out randomly... ordering people about.. suspending half the class for dress code violations... Just her usual self I guess

2nd was better... Ms. Davis and I ended up ganging up on poor Michael... I don't think he knew what hit him.. after I made like tons of copies.. That I didn't get to finish stappling. She always does that to me, and whoever makes these neat little baked dishes and puts them in the teachers lounge is absolutely an angel... I mean they always taste so good (yes I do taste them)...

3rd Our academic dean came in to "observe" our chinese class... it was a little weird... I'm really glad she had us watch a movie... So we didn't embarrass her I think...

4th was alright.. Erick was everywhere because Ms. Solchik wasn't here... RAWR... So I basically did nothing.. because I don't speak another language, hehe...

5th we did these speech things.. SUPER EASY.. as I've mentioned before Ms. Breyers English class is like.. the easiest class I've ever taken.. and some people wouldn't even do it! I was like.. what the fuck.. the assignment was to recite a freaking joke SHE HANDED YOU.. in front of the class... I mean easiest assignment EVER... and like 3 people refused to do it...

6th I went to the library to do this report for English that we're not technically supposed to start till next week but she let me get a head start <3

7th was photography... We were still playing with our pictures which I'm getting better at.. it's lots of fun and I can't wait to upload them to my myspace,facebook, myyearbook, vampirefreaks, and possibly put one up here... There was a fire drill so I just left and went to see Mr. Singh to get an attendance sheet thingie because I missed too many days of school

8th was finishing my kids boards for SMOGEE because they're retarded and can't do anything... they won't remember anything.. I got the stupid kids.. They annoy me so much... it really is sad, but Dixie and I finished it *YAY*

So after school I checked my email, and posted some stuff on my vampirefreaks... then dad took us out to eat at Ryan's.. hehe yea... it was good.. I'm going shopping with my mom tomorrow because of all the sales.. I have to get up at 5 AM which sucks but.. it'll be fun.. I haven't shopped with mom in FOREVER and am kinda anticipating it... wish us luck, Erick =P maybe I'll get mommy to buy you something for Christmas.. if not I'll do something special for you like write a poem or something.. writing poetry is one of my biggest hobbies hehe.. I like to think I'm pretty good at it

I'm freaking out...

So... I finally realized.. oh-em-gee I'm freaking getting out of high school this year... I mean.. what the fudge?! I'm like... ready and not ready... It's so hard to describe.. I'm kinda scared of what life is gonna be like.. weird I know... all I can think about is... "No, it can't be over.. but... but... It feels like I just started...." and I just... what once felt like I had all the time in the world... it's all gone now.. el-oh-el...

I went to the local Boys and Girls Club's annual turkey dinner tonight... I keep telling myself that I won't go next year and I always forget.... and end up going.. and tell myself once again.. "I won't come next year.. too many kids" not to mention.. the food is horrible.. I feel like baking cookies tonight... el-oh-el

So as for school.. Ms. Frank is still the same... We work, we listen, we leave and BAM 1st period is gone... like the wind

Ms. Davis is pretty cool, I really like being her helper.. I swear to you I'm meant to be a secretary or something because I love to copy papers, and be ordered around.. Kinky I know hehe...

Wu Lao Shi is alright.. I hate how she actually makes me learn stuff... well I shouldn't put it that way.. I hate how she expects me to know everything and then gets disappointed when I forget something... but I guess thats everybody, eh?

4th is my Talk To Erick time.. or TTE... I think honestly.. thats my most valued time of the day... I love how I feel I can trust Erick with anything.. He always seems so understanding and almost nonjudgemental.. It's kind of relaxing.. I've never really felt like that before... I totally believe he's my best friend

Then English.. Ms. Breyer, honestly... your class is really kind of easy... I mean for the most part you give us assignments as if we don't speak English or something.. and then you expect them due on a day and keep extending it... I mean wow

Well instead of going to lunch I go to the library which really relaxes me too. I love to be surrounded by all the books, and listen to the quiet. It's really nice, suprizingly.. It must be my solitary life coming back to me, from the split of.. Kattie...

In photography I'm actually having fun.. And I took some totally cute pics of myself.. hehe... weird because I hate taking pics of myself... but somehow I think I'm slowly gaining in confidence... oh-em-gee... I THINK I'M GETTING A SLIGHT EGO...

Then the blissed 8th period.. last and final... Hehe, I sit next to Omie... and Erick is right behind me.. I love that almost free period... I will miss it.. it's like my own little wind down time with my friends, el-oh-el.. You know what I mean Erick <3 Where we're just sitting there listening to Monique go on about her "book club" Oh yea...

Then I hit home.. and actually it's standable these days... I guess with Kattie not around to constantly compare myself to, I've finally accepted who I am.. and though I can be a bitch at times.. and most definately not the nicest person in the world.. I'm not the worst.. I'm actually a pretty ok person when I get to know myself...

Still looking for love... but who isn't? I've pretty much given up... I mean it'll get here when it wants to and if it doesn't.. Hey I still have my cats... So all in all.. I guess life is worth living after all, eh?

Fat Cat Dewie to the rescue

So my mom has suddenly turned into "Lets find our relatives on myspace!!!" and oh-em-gee how creepy it is.. she keeps telling me about who she's found and what they're into.. Like I'm going to want to get to know some relatives I haven't heard from or seen since I was like 7.. psha... but I guess it makes her happy...

So... In school today they almost made me leave the library and go to lunch.. which is horrible.. I hate going to lunch these days... all the noise and what not... I love the library.. hehe, the smell of the books, the quietness I need to concentrate on reading.. it's like SSR but better because it's double the time YAY...

So I feel my friend Erick and I have grown closer since we've had a class together again.. I like it and will miss him prolly the most when we graduate.. OH-EM-GEE I'M GRADUATING.... I can't do this... I'm not ready to be all out on my own and such..

So tomorrow is our final day to work on the poster boards with our kids at shortridge.. quite honestly I'm going to be glad when we leave... At least I won't have to hear those kids talk about me like I'm a worthless piece of crap. You know how 7th graders are...

Mom took me to taco bell tonight... It made me wish i was at Omar and Erick's.. and I was eating some of those yummy onions... hmmmmm.... I keep wishing I could hang out with them more, but they're always so busy with everything and I feel like I'm doing nothing... which I seem to be practically am.. My mom is picking up a bunch of extra shifts though and I don't have time for anything... Damn financial crisis... ruins everything..

Well I guess thats all for tonight.. well I'll be going to the doctors hopefully Wednesday because of this mystery rash... our schools doctors apparantly can't figure out why I have it.. so sad.. and to think parents trust their kids with people who can't even figure out why I have a rash. Just for everyone to know.. never to go the Tech Teen Clinic.. they're horrible.... Night my lovely not followers

v_v the weekend

So I went and seen Twilight.. hehe it was... ok.. not as good as the book but still good as a movie. I didn't actually do much this weekend. I spent the weekend baking cookies for my mom and cooking, just in general having fun. My dad tried to take me shopping today.. Totally freaked me out. el-oh-el... (yea Erick, I've stolen it from you)

And Fiona was here Friday.. hehe we attempted to spoon when going to bed, and it sorta worked.. Until I apparantly started snoring and almost pushed her out of bed. We only have 3 days next week for school and I'm really excited...

My laptop charger is jacking up and not working right. So I has to go get another one which is gonna cost me close to 100 bucks. Which sucks.. financial crisis and all but blah.. my mom said she'd try and come up with the money <3 bless her soul.

Amber's here right now hehe.. She's spending the night.. I lovers her <3

By the way.. ERICK GROSS!!!! EWWWW!!!!

Thanks, Erick

So I made a blog because I found my friend Erick's when I googled a name hehe... I've since decided to make on and update it on a daily basis. I'm in the school's library right now so yea.. I'll also be here for lunch.. I have plenty of time to blog and whatnot.. My friend Donnell is totally in love with two of his teachers.. I swear.. he just doesn't admit it yet... If you know anything about Donnell Duncan you know who he's in love with.