The wedding day

Alright Erick.. we have a wedding date.. Jan 24.. O_O A saturday.. Friday night (if you're available) all the guys are staying out at my aunts while the girls are going to Erica's... and you get to be a groomsman.. v_v Mommy says you have to wear a black/dark blue suit.. I'm wearing my old prom dress *pukes*... none of it will match... I don't know why she wants me to be in the wedding... but I'ma put on a fake smile and let her ruin her own life... none of my business... I keep telling myself to believe it... v_v

I'm done.. I'm tired

Ok Christmas was today... It was alright.. I got a new MP3 player... and some jammies and new blankets and cool swords.. I found out that Jasmine and Jessie were definately getting married just not over break ... It's my belief that they shouldn't be getting married and they sure as hell shouldn't have a kid.. yea I said it.. finally.. Jasmine Leigh is fucking pregnant... And it makes me angry.. and upset... and... I just want to get as far away from here as I possibly can.. I just wanna move to Montana and never come back.. Hide on a mountain and stay there forever.. I hate her.. yea I said it.. I hate her... and I hate that she's getting married and hate that she's having a kid... and mostly.. I hate how she thinks this can give her an excuse to DO WHATEVER THE FUCK SHE WANTS, GO OFF ON WHOEVER THE HELL SHE WANTS, AND BEAT PEOPLE... I fucking hate her.. Mom freaks.."Summer you can't move out! I need you, Summer... Summer, Jasmine needs you.. blah blah blah".. She doens't understand I CAN'T FUCKING TAKE THIS.. I won't.. I refuse to be trapped in this cornfield infested shit hole of a state.. give me wide open spaces, or trees... Somewhere where I can be isolated... away from all this bullshit.. I just.. I can't take it anymore.. Hell I'm so pissed I'm considering moving out to my grandma's during break and like... I don't know.. I'm even considering transferring schools.. I mean.. I fucking hate her.. I love Tech, I love you Erick.. but dammit I really can't take this.. I'm so sick and tired of this damn family DEPENDING ON ME TO MAKE EVERYTHING BETTER.. well suprise.. I fucking can't this time.. I'm not even gonna try anymore.. I'm tired of being hurt.. being fucking mentally abused... "oh lets fuck with Summer's emotions today hehe..." bitches.. I mean I love my mom don't get me wrong.. I don't know what I'd do without her sometimes.. but I'm getting ready to find out because I just can't take it anymore... I'm done... I'm just done.. I'm gonna finish out school.. then I'm getting the hell out.. I don't even care at this point if I go to college.. the need to get away from here as fast as possible is taking over my entire system.. I'm sorry Erick.. but I'm tired of not being good enough or shit.. I'm just.. tired of all this stupid bullshit Jasmine Leigh decides we must go through to make us do her every whim.. I'M FUCKING DONE... (Sorry about all the cursing whoever reads this, but I am really pissed off...)

Grrrr

Hehe.. So I've been kind of blah the past couple of days. Just not in a good mood. Heather, her kid, and James might be moving in with us. MY ROOM.. which.. sucks.. but I feel so sorry for her... I really don't want them sleeping in my bed but I don't have a choice... they just.. grrr me.. I guess.. I mean they just got married.. I don't want them in my bed... I told her it'd be alright though.. because I don't wanna be a bad friend.. I just don't wanna share my room with them. It's not fair.. I know I sound so selfish.. but.. it's like mom just keeps thinking up stuff that makes me want to move out more and she doesn't even realize she's pushing me away.. how am I supposed to take "Hey Summer, a newly wed couple and their couple needs a place, you know.. your friend Heather.. what do you say you share a room with her?" How can I say no to that and still be a good friend?! I just... can't win no matter what way I go, eh?

The LIttle Black Rose

Once she was wilted
She had no sun or water
Then you picked her up
Slowly she became alive
She could feel her petals bloom
Her leaves uncurled
All because of the darkness you blew into her
The dark magic that overcame her and gave her new life

She vowed then that she wouldn’t let herself wilt again
She would always be beautiful and dark for you
Her lover, caregiver, the only sun she’d ever need
She gave you her love

You watched her everyday
Watered her, set her in the sun
Even held her as she shed tears of joy
For she knew she had been saved

Then there came a day when she couldn’t express how she felt
It was so hard to put into words and simple actions weren’t enough
So she decided to shine her best one day, and wrap her caregiver in the light of love
When he came to her that day, she lay her hand on his cheek and began to whisper
“You whom I love more than life itself,
You whom have saved me from destruction,
You whom have given me so much yet asked for so little.
How to tell you what you mean to me, I don’t know.
So all I can give you, is my love, my life, and pray it enough.”

Kissing her caregivers lips,
She took his hand and placed it over her heart
“This shall remain true only to you,
This shall beat only for you,
From this day forward,
I pledge myself fully, heart, body, mind, and soul yours.
Never shall you want for I shall give you everything,
Never shall your desires go unanswered for I am at your beck and call,
Never shall you be alone for I shall be your constant companion,
Never shall you have to face the light of day, without my love by your side.”

As the rose stood trembling, she waited for his answer.

I wrote this and I'm not sure where to go with it.. So Erick.. any feedback? Love you and miss you.. oh.. and I'm not sure when her wedding is.. so yea.. I'll call you when I get the date and time and that kind of thing.

*Sighs*

So the last two days of school sucked... Wednesday I couldn't go because my bus never showed up at the stop.. and Thursday my mom ended up pulling me out early.. because I nearly beat Ms. Fucking Frank.. Damn bitch LOST my final... and blamed it on me. .then when she found it... IT WAS ALREADY GRADED... So I got a 23.5/51 on my final.. unless she regraded it.. bitch.. ><

I miss Erick SOOOOO much.. I feel bad because I was going to go to lunch on Thursday.. but instead I spent most of the day at home.. being pissed and crying.. no big suprise there... Oh well... I'll have to give him his christmas after break.. hehe... My mom got me an MP3 player for christmas... I was so happy... Heather got married.. I went to her wedding last night.. it was sweet... and the reception was fun... I'm feel like crap.. I think I'm coming down sick.. Oh yea.. Erick if you read this.. v_v You're going to be part of Jasmine's wedding... I'm a bridesmaid and you has to walk with me.. so you're like.. a "groomsman" or whatever.. if you can make it...

Ah... sweet NOT love <3

So... yea.. just another day.. Kinda wished it was Friday already. Thats the norm though.

So first period, I did my best to ignore the Frank monster. I think she assigned homework, but I wasn't really paying attention and she wasn't really there.. Erick you get that... I read.. all period because basically.. she doesn't teach, doesn't stay in the class or anything!

So seconde period poor Ms. David was sick... I felt so horrible. She sounded like she should have been in bed for the next week. She wanted me to make a bunch of copies but a bunch of teachers decided to copy today and we ran out of paper. So no copies for her hehe

Third period was more fun than usual... I don't know why.. We're reviewing for finals.. and I can't find my chinese book.. but it's so much fun anyways...

Fourth period was Erick and I's peer tutoring class... he wasn't there thanks to a show.. I was totally depressed without him. Ok.. maybe a little bit.. but so not the point...

Fifth period we went to the computer lab and did the easiest stuff I've ever heard of for English.. I mean.. it was like.. 6th grade work... I felt kinda insulted.

For lunch today I found a bunch of book in the library I've been DYING to read, so I'm going to. I hope they'll let me check a bunch out for Christmas Break.. because otherwise I'll be bored as hell...

Seventh period, our teacher wasn't there and the sub was so annoying. I played with my photo's mostly. I didn't want to change them too much because I love how they were... Erick I'll have to email them to you sometime or something.. I actually look half way decent in them, or I'll post on Facebook...

8th period we worked... Kind of as a class... hehe.. Since I didn't do anything yesterday along with a bunch of other class mates she's making us sit at separate tables. Which really sucks.. but now we just yell the answers accross the room.. she doesn't even try to stop..

After school I went to a doctors appointment with my little sister... she has some kind of rash on her neck.. hehe but I'm going to go to bed now.. hopefully sleep.. not always guaranteed..

FINALLY!!!

Ok, so I haven't been here in FOREVER because my internet browser was being a retard, but I'm on my aunts computer and decided to update. Not much has really happened other than my 15 year old sister getting knocked up... by the way Erick, CONGRATS!!! U of I OMG.. You'll be close enough to visit~ el-oh-el. Anyways... My family has pretty much been ok with the whole Jasmine being pregnant thing. My great grandma wants me to live out at her house and go to college so I'm "undisturbed"... whatever.. So I wrote this poem.. I'ma post it here..

There's something about today
I just can't describe
The smile is constantly in place
I can even feel it deep inside

Like all the world is gone
I've not a worry in the world
This day is a relief I was looking for
These urges I can't fight, to dance a twirl

It may seem almost unusual,possibly a little amusing
definately a pinch of weird
but today I stopped all my accusingI looked up, and saw the sun
whose brightness for once didn't blind me

I felt those rays, so war
The most amazing I've yet to see
The anger almost burned away by the light so bright
made this the most barable day and most wonderous night...

I don't know what inspired that but yea..
Erick, Friday I ended up walking home.. Because I felt really sick and was having "feminine" (SP?! XD) Problems..