LOL- Ya'll should find this Hilarious!

One: I got into IUPUI, go me.

Two: Jasmine is pregnant... AGAIN.

Yes.. Jasmine is indeed carrying her second child, which she hopes is a girl. She's back with that thing we're calling 'baby-daddy'. Everyone is angry at her, which is natural... I have this HORRIBLE yet somehow totally dramatic job at a warehouse. I mean like, real live soap opera when I walk into work everyday. Greeeeeeeeat. Oh, and Christmas is around the corner, and I'm so through with Holidays, ya know? I don't even want to exchange gifts, even though I bought everyone something. I mean.. Without her, it's just like blah, and I know how upset she would have been to discover Jasmine's second baby.. Which I guess she conceived around September and waited until November to say anything? Whatevs. How she's gonna take care of two babies, still in school, no job, 'baby-daddy' ain't got no job, and all he's concerned with is getting high or drunk.

I'm trying to find someone to let me drive their car so I can get my license. So I can like.. Ya know, get out of this place. For serious. So ready to just live on the streets. O_O Oh, new Poem.. Heh

Release

I try so hard,

To rid my veins of the black,

The poison illudes me,

The core of my being starting to crack.

Why is it eating me?

Why can't I be free?

Why must it hurt?

Why can no one see?

How I beg and scream,

Yet no one can hear,

Always forcing the facade that all is fine,

This weight, mine alone to bear.

This knife I wish to take,

Cut this poison away,

Yet I know it comes from the deepest part of me,

The tatter edges of my soul all frayed.

How the wounds demand my attention

Salt being rubbed in, pain unable to cease

The final heartbeats,

Death shall be my only release.

Comments or questions? Great. Leave them around for me!

Tonight I contemplated Suicide.

I contemplated suicide tonight,

Because of despair so overwhelming.

I contemplated suicide tonight,

Because you were no longer with me.

It pains me so much to even attempt to let go,

The memories never seem enough.

It kills me to hold it in but if I don't,

I'll surely be crushed.

I thought about swallowing all the pills,

Jumping from heights what would surely kill,

Even running myself through with sharp objects.

I thought long and hard about suicide tonight.

What finally stopped me was you,

The reason for my despair and hurt.

A memory of you, when I was much younger, much more stupid.

I almost wanted to cry, that someone loved me as much as you did.

Remember when you said to me,

"You're special Summer,

The fates have plans for you.

Sometimes they're confusing and hurtful,

sometimes you don't think you can go on,

But never fear, for the fates have something special in store for you."

I thought of that tonight, while I thought about suicide.

Wondering if maybe the fates are through with me.

Thought about how you'd feel if I took this cowards way out.

Thought of how disappointed you'd be.

All things in life, that's one thing I could never purposely do.

I will never purposely do things I know would disappoint you.

You brought me up, loved me when no one else would,

You saw the dark inside me, and brought for the light, not even I myself knew existed.

You took a young child, with a mind so controlable,

Gave her the power of choice over her own life, so many times.

Let her pick at the threads, instead of you doing it for her,

So she could understand the power of choice, and the power of herself.

Tonight, when I thought of suicide, and how I couldn't go on without you,

I remembered, I had to, not only because it would disappoint you,

But because my purpose has yet to come, and I choose to be around to do it.

I choose to live my life, and help people, as you've helped me.

I choose open my heart, and know deep inside I may touch someone so deeply one day,

Almost as much as you've touched me.

I choose to love freely, without any clauses or hidden catches,

As you did for me when I needed it most.

So tonight, while I thought about all the ways I can end this despair,

I remembered the reasons why I must live through it,

Why I can't give in, why I must press forward.

Tonight, my despair reminded me that you changed a life, and that life you changed is worth living.

There's so many things I've left unsaid to you, Mamoo.. So many words and stories I've wanted to tell, but the one thing I've ever said to you, that has meant the most, was "I love you.", because you taught me to love, to open my heart and soul, and feel this way. I hate that you're gone now, unable to hear this, read this, unable to smile at me with that twinkle that lets me know I'm your favorite girl. I know I won't be able to hear you whisper my name when I walk into your house, and see your whole face light up, but I know, I will be making you very proud, as you watch down from that cloud you're relaxing on, because tonight, I choose life.

The Woman Who Never Rested

My great grandmother is currently actively dying. It's hard to say that, without wanting to break down into tears, but I've written something just for her, and felt like sharing. She was an amazing woman, and I was blessed to have known her. I hope you all can see a little of how much she meant with this little poem I wrote.

The Woman Who Never Rested

Many places you have gone,

Much wisdom you had to share,

Though we mourn you now,

We do it because we care.

Your life was rich with love,

Your wisdom heeded well,

You raised many children,

Held secrets you had yet to tell.

You were the head of this family,

The glue between us all.

Though we knew it would happen,

We prayed you'd never fall.

We gather now for you,

As we have before,

Our mother, grandmother, great-grandmother,

Those names you have, but you mean so much more.

Always were you ready,

To take on all our problems and fears,

With words of guidance,

Your love, a balm to sooth our tears.

We can not thank you enough,

For all that you have done,

Helped each of us more,

Because of this, it's to you we'd always come.

Now it's time for you to go,

Meet the one who made you with pleasure.

May he bless you and smile,

Knowing you were the best treasure.

Now the job you held is open,

Though none will have you bested,

For your family with love,

You are the woman who never rested.

Life

So it's been quite a long time. Over a year! A lot has happened. Heh. Needless to say, my younger sister never got married. Love my nephew to death though. Cutest little kid I'll ever see! Umm.. Started playing nodeka on a serious level again. I have a job. A stable, paying.. Job. xD I think I actually enjoy it. How amusing huh? My co-workers aren't entirely horrible, and some can even be amusing. It takes up a lot of my time, so I enjoy not always being at home. I haven't written anything new recently, though I should soon. I can feel it building. Go figure. ^^ I'm mostly happy these days. Paying bills, sleeping, working, spoiling my nephew who is turning 2! Gods above, time seems to fly with children.