Tonight I contemplated Suicide.

I contemplated suicide tonight,

Because of despair so overwhelming.

I contemplated suicide tonight,

Because you were no longer with me.

It pains me so much to even attempt to let go,

The memories never seem enough.

It kills me to hold it in but if I don't,

I'll surely be crushed.

I thought about swallowing all the pills,

Jumping from heights what would surely kill,

Even running myself through with sharp objects.

I thought long and hard about suicide tonight.

What finally stopped me was you,

The reason for my despair and hurt.

A memory of you, when I was much younger, much more stupid.

I almost wanted to cry, that someone loved me as much as you did.

Remember when you said to me,

"You're special Summer,

The fates have plans for you.

Sometimes they're confusing and hurtful,

sometimes you don't think you can go on,

But never fear, for the fates have something special in store for you."

I thought of that tonight, while I thought about suicide.

Wondering if maybe the fates are through with me.

Thought about how you'd feel if I took this cowards way out.

Thought of how disappointed you'd be.

All things in life, that's one thing I could never purposely do.

I will never purposely do things I know would disappoint you.

You brought me up, loved me when no one else would,

You saw the dark inside me, and brought for the light, not even I myself knew existed.

You took a young child, with a mind so controlable,

Gave her the power of choice over her own life, so many times.

Let her pick at the threads, instead of you doing it for her,

So she could understand the power of choice, and the power of herself.

Tonight, when I thought of suicide, and how I couldn't go on without you,

I remembered, I had to, not only because it would disappoint you,

But because my purpose has yet to come, and I choose to be around to do it.

I choose to live my life, and help people, as you've helped me.

I choose open my heart, and know deep inside I may touch someone so deeply one day,

Almost as much as you've touched me.

I choose to love freely, without any clauses or hidden catches,

As you did for me when I needed it most.

So tonight, while I thought about all the ways I can end this despair,

I remembered the reasons why I must live through it,

Why I can't give in, why I must press forward.

Tonight, my despair reminded me that you changed a life, and that life you changed is worth living.

There's so many things I've left unsaid to you, Mamoo.. So many words and stories I've wanted to tell, but the one thing I've ever said to you, that has meant the most, was "I love you.", because you taught me to love, to open my heart and soul, and feel this way. I hate that you're gone now, unable to hear this, read this, unable to smile at me with that twinkle that lets me know I'm your favorite girl. I know I won't be able to hear you whisper my name when I walk into your house, and see your whole face light up, but I know, I will be making you very proud, as you watch down from that cloud you're relaxing on, because tonight, I choose life.