Somebody needs to fix me, because I'm damn broken.. and I'm not sure if I can fix myself this time.. and I'm tired of all the bitching.. and I'm tired of it always being my fault.. and I'm tired of hurting people.. and I'm tired of not wanting to be here anymore.. and I'm tired of being tired.. I want to be as happy as I act in RP.. I want to feel that.. if not all the time.. at least occassionally.. I don't really think it's that much to ask for.. but I must be mistaken.. Guys.. I think.. I'm seriously messed up.. and I'm scared... and.. I don't know why, or what to do... I'm tired of home not being home.. I'm tired of feeling like I don't belong in my own skin.. And the only one who makes me feel half way decent is Ryan.. and I damn well don't know what the hell's wrong with me... I'm tired of feeling like I shouldn't be me... I'm want to feel happy about each day.. I want to feel the way I feel when I'm laying on the phone with him.. I want to feel the way I feel when he writes me a damn email that makes me smile and I can't stop thinking about it.. I wanna feel normal.. all the time... I'm just tired of feeling like I'm not me, and not knowing what to do with it..