I began to wonder

The blood that flows within my veins,
The betrayer of all that I am.
What makes me wonder deep into the night,
Why I continue to stand.

This feeling growing ever so near,
The pain it brings
Fear becoming ever clear.
I don't belong.

I know now, what I search for
Tis a life that doesn't belong to me.
Happiness is a lie
Death is everyone's destiny.

We fight for life
Though pitiful it is,
Daily I wonder what forces me to move
Never realizing it was them

Those cells that screw everyone up
Make us believe what we're not
Bring us health and sickness
The blood that is ours

It makes us yearn for misery
Beg for emptiness
Scream for more pain
Sigh once our conscious has faded.

No, I'm not going to kill myself, no I don't want to tell 50 different IM's whats wrong. No, I don't want to talk, and no, I don't want to cry anymore. I just.. had to let it out.. So don't message me with a bunch of "Don't kill yourself." bullshit, I'm not suicidal, just upset. It's normal. As I said to my aunt today, "Aunt Tina, I'm a fat, ugly woman.. no one would want to rape me if given the chance... If you'd people learn to accept that, I'd be a hell of a lot better off."

This is truly how I see myself, so I also don't want a bunch of "You're beautiful!" "I'd rape you!" messages, because no matter how many times you people say it.. I won't believe it, nor will I accept it. I just have to unload type of thing, and what better place than a journal. A journal that if someone is randomly browsing, they'll tell me to quit being Emo and go cut already or just shut the fuck up. Well to those people, who actually want to spit bullshit from their asses, take it elsewhere, because what you say doesn't matter! You go around commenting on random people's journals to make yourself feel better because you have nothing better to do, and by pretending you do, you get off. Well go the fuck away. Thanks for my friends being there, it means more than you can imagine. Sorry if I upset you, but it's how I feel. It's not going to change, and I'm not going to change. It's who I am, and if you can't get over it, go the fuck on, and don't bitch at me..