So apparently, I don't count to my mother. I mean, I've been through hell and back for this woman, almost ruined my life for her, and still she's ignoring how I feel. Still she basically tells me that I'm no longer important due to the fact that my sister popped out a kid. I hate knowing, that what I had to say used to be important to her, but now that Jasmine had a kid, what I say is wrong. It's wrong for me to bitch about Jasmine leaving her kids shitty diapers around the house, and bottles that leak nasty formula thats been sitting out for days. It's wrong for me to be pissed off that every time I try and say something to Jasmine about her nasty/idiotic/irresponsible behavior, that I'M WRONG, when it's her kid thats sick, and out on a busy street at 2 am in the morning. I'm wrong in bitching about the dead beat dad who doesn't fucking do anything for the kid. I'm wrong, to be upset, and I'm nothing but a "jealous ass". I'm just tired of my mom saying "Well, we're going to do this, or going to do this." and then Jasmine Leigh throws a fit, and all of a sudden it doesn't happen. I'm tired of always being told that I'm wrong, when I know Jasmine Leigh is. I mean, she shoves off her kid on ANYONE because she really doesn't want him, and my mom apparently is perfectly ok with it. Oh, and I'm in the wrong, that when I wanted to go to a job training class, I couldn't, because Jasmine Leigh had to do something else, and now suddenly it's "You're sister's trying to get a job, and you're not doing anything, Summer Dawn!" Well, maybe I'd be able to fucking do something if the damn woman would quit kissing the ground Jasmine walks on. I probably do sound jealous, but I'm mostly hurt, that now that my mom has her first grandchild, none of her other children matter. I'm tired of watching her loose what backbone she has to a fucking 16 year old child who does nothing but break my mother in two. My father, the only one who appears to care anymore, is nearly ready to leave. It sounds weird, but after not having him so long, then suddenly having him, I'm not sure if I can survive loosing him this time. I'm not sure I can survive this. Her shoving me away like yesterdays garbage. Sure, I'm plenty of fun when Jasmine, Jessie, and the baby isn't around, but when they come home, suddenly mom doesn't give a shit what I do. I could tell her I'm going to go blow my brains out and she'd just wave her hand, nodding and saying "Ok.." Don't get me wrong, I have Amber, Scott, and Mark.. but at the end of the day.. It just hurts so bad. My heart has even began to have a physical ache for the closeness that used to be my mother and me. I thought, as a mother, you're supposed to divide your time equally, but lately she's so Jasmine/baby orientated, that it's sickening. Oh, it's perfectly ok for Jessie to be a pot smoking, food thieving, dead beat dad, but for me NOT to clean the kitchen, it's almost a cardinal sin. I can't do anything right anymore, and it hurts.. it hurts so badly, to know that for once in my life, my mother is pissed off at me for being right and her being wrong, so she twists it and makes me feel like a horrible daughter. I hate how she manipulates me into feeling like by not being a wall decoration I'm a horrible person.

Why can't she see what she's doing to me?
Why can't she listen without making me feel like a piece of garbage?
Why can't she see she's shoving me away?
Why aren't I good enough anymore?
Why does it hurt so much?
Why can't I just leave?
Why do I force myself to stay someplace that just stabs me?
Why can't I stop caring?